Kevin Barrett 
Dating is hard. People can make themselves sound really good over text messages and social media exchanges, but hiding one’s flaws when actually meeting a person face-to-face can be a lot trickier. Furthermore, the fact of the matter is that—even if the phone and text conversations went well—sometimes the chemistry just is not there. That’s really not anybody’s fault, usually; it is just one of those unfortunate facts of life. There’s really not any reason you should have to sit through an entire evening if you know the relationship isn’t going anywhere, but you should also try to spare the other person’s feelings. You need a solid reason to excuse yourself.
Here are fifteen interesting ways of getting out of a bad first date.
1. Blame Your Job
Typically, one of the first things discussed when two people meet is what they do for a living. Most people have jobs—or would at least like to have one.
Even if you do not like your job, it has its purpose—in addition to, you know, putting a roof over your head and food in your refrigerator. It can also get you out of a bad first date!
All you really have to do is make it sound like the company for which you work would literally go bankrupt if you weren’t employed there. Pretend you pretty much work 24 hours a day, seven days a week; claim you are constantly on call.
Have one drink or cup of coffee with your date, “remember” that you have an early meeting in the morning, and get out of there.
2. Just Go To The Restroom
First dates can be great, and sometimes people just really hit it off. However, they often do not, and things just get awkward. What do you do?
One thing you can do is make an excuse to go to the restroom—everybody pees after all—and then head towards the closest exit. Try not to be spotted by your date.
If you’re nice, you’ll shoot him or her a text saying there was some sort of family or work emergency and you absolutely had to go. Thank your date for his or her time, and try to sound sincere.
Your date will likely get the hint and won’t call you in the future.
3. Fake A Call
Most of us use our mobile phones primarily to check our email, make posts on social media, and play games; sometimes it seems like people forget they can also be used to make phone calls.
Your mobile has yet another function: it can get you out of a bad first date. Before a date, always put your phone on silent. That’s just a smart move in general.
If it becomes painfully clear that your date just is not worth your time, pretend you absolutely have to take a call or call someone back. Fake an emergency—sick relatives usually work pretty well—and get out of there.
If you’re worried that your date will learn you made the whole “emergency” up—because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings—you can go the extra mile and post something cryptic on Facebook or Instagram about what a “scary” evening you had.
If you can get one of your parents or siblings to respond to your post thanking you for your support, all the better.
4. Pretend to Be Sick
Let’s be honest here: 50 percent of the time you call into work claiming to be “sick”, you’re actually perfectly fine. There are a lot of television shows out there that need to be binge watched, and work tends to take up a lot of one’s time.
But why limit fake illnesses to getting you out of work? They can also get you out of bad first dates.
When you go on a first date, you often have a pretty good idea of how the date will turn out before you even meet the person. You’ve probably texted and spoke on the phone at least once.
Sometimes people go out on first dates with people that they’re not particularly enthusiastic about because—let’s be honest—they have nothing better to do and are tragically lonely. Even if you’re one of those bored and tragically lonely people, however, you don’t want to endure three hours of boring, awkward chit chat.
If you’re about to go on a first date with someone you’re not particularly enthusiastic about, the best course of action is to lay the groundwork early. As soon as you meet up with the person, say something along the lines of “I’m so glad I was able to make it. I wasn’t sure I could—I’m feeling a bit under the weather”.
Then, once you’ve confirmed your date is dull and the chemistry just isn’t there, fake a stomach issue. Go to the restroom, come out 10 minutes later, and say you “really have to go”.
Headaches are also very difficult to disprove, and they’re a bit less gross than gastrointestinal issues.
Even if you were enthusiastic going into the date, illness can arise at any time. Just because you didn’t lay the groundwork, don’t let that stop you from getting out of there.
5. Have Your Exit Strategy Planned Before The Date
As touched upon when discussing using an illness to get out of a date, it is always a good idea to have an exit strategy when it comes to first dates. Really, it is a good idea to have exit strategies for every possible social occasion, including parties, weddings, funerals, and the birth of your children (unless you’re the one giving birth, obviously, as there’s no getting out of that).
The most important thing is to have a plan in place before the first date and be willing to use it. Don’t feel guilty—everyone does it, or should.
6. Fake a Fall
This is sort of a variation on pretending to be sick. The benefit is that you can “prove” that you’re not feeling so great because your date saw you take a tumble.
If you’re the clumsy sort, the fall might not even be an accident.
This should go without saying, but if you’re going to go this route, be careful to not actually injure yourself. You could do something less dramatic than fall, like accidentally shut your finger in a door.
The point you should make to your date is that your “injury” has ruined the evening, so you need to go apply ice or heat or elevate whatever body part you allegedly injured.
7. Yawn During Appetizers
If you’ve made a dinner date with a person you’re just not that into, you’re in for a long evening. Obviously, you need to get out of the “dinner” portion of the date. If you don’t feel like faking an illness or a phone call, just start yawning over appetizers. Be dramatic about it.
Claim you were up all night for some reason—you can always say you were sick, or maybe you were working on a project for your boss. It all depends on what will sound feasible.
Finish your drink and your appetizers, apologize to your date for being tired and unenthusiastic, ask for the bill, and get out of there.
8. Pretend You Have Allergies
If you actually have allergies, you might not need to fake them; if you don’t have allergies, consider yourself lucky. Fortunately, allergies are pretty easy to fake, as people can be allergic to almost anything. There’s a condition called cold urticaria—that’s right, people can be allergic to the cold. It can actually be a pretty severe condition, and it can result in anaphylaxis.
In regard to using allergies to get out of a date, you have a couple of options. You could have “forgotten” to take your allergy medicine. That’s one option, but it is sort of risky, as your date may have a generic antihistamine in his or her bag.
You could also fake a food allergy. A lot of people are allergic to peanuts, for example. Sometimes, you don’t even know you’re allergic to an ingredient until you eat it, and allergies can develop at any point in one’s life.
However, don’t make your “food allergy” sound too bad, as your date may want you to seek medical attention and insist on making sure that you do. After all, food allergies can be deadly.
9. Bring A Friend On Your Date
I’m not suggesting that your friend sit at the table with you during your date while you dine. You have to be sneaky in regard to this strategy. Your friend could be at a nearby table or at the bar.
Obviously, if you’re employing this method, you should offer to pay for your friend’s drinks.
Work out a signal beforehand—whatever works best for you. When you realize the date is going nowhere, signal the friend. He or she should go to the restroom and call you with an “emergency”. It should be a serious emergency, and you should be suitably dramatic. Also, you should remember to have “forgotten” to turn the volume down on your mobile phone.
Hang up from the call, claim your friend desperately needs you, and get out of there.
10. Pretend You Suddenly Remembered You Had Somewhere Else To Be
A lot of us aren’t the best when it comes to things like updating our phone calendars, so it is totally believable that someone might schedule a date for a time they were supposed to be doing something else.
If you’re on a bad first date, make something up about needing to be somewhere else – it is a good idea to decide what that “something” is ahead of time, obviously.
Whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing, it needs to be relatively important and also completely believable.
No one forgets their cousin’s funeral or a colonoscopy—that’s not believable.
A birthday party you’re throwing for your pet, however, can wait until after a date—it won’t be considered important enough by most people.
Of course, if you’re the sort of person who admits to throwing birthday parties for your pet on a first date, your date may bail on you.
11. Start Crying
Crying in front of a virtual stranger is very awkward and extremely confusing to that stranger; that’s why it can be a great way of getting out of a date, especially if the crying just comes out of nowhere.
Obviously, this strategy is tricky—not everyone possesses the ability to cry on demand. However, if you can pull it off, crying can work wonders in regard to getting out of a bad first date.
The key, however, is to make it clear that you’re crying for either no reason, or for a reason that nobody sane cries about in public.
It really is sad that so many species are facing extinction, but if you cry about how the Malayan Tiger is critically endangered over cocktails, your date will probably think you’re a bit of a kook. The date will effectively be over, and you can go home.
12. Be Boring
Most of us aren’t really all that interesting, so it isn’t difficult for us to be boring.
If you’re a nice person, you don’t want to be rude to your date simply because you don’t find him or her physically appealing—or because the “chemistry is off”. One of the best ways to end a date without feelings getting hurt is to be incredibly dull on purpose.
Make those awkward silences last and make them count.
Your date will likely employ one of this list’s strategies to end the date, which means you can get back to your video games or your scrapbooking or whatever it is you do in your free time.
13. Spill Something on Your Clothing
If you’re not afraid of potentially ruining one of your tops or pairs of pants, spilling something during a date is a good way of leaving that date early.
First of all, no one wants to sit around for hours with a stain on their shirt or their dress. Second of all, some stains are practically impossible to get out in the wash unless they’re treated immediately. Red wine and mustard can be particularly difficult to get out, which is why it is always a good idea to drink wine on a date.
Spill something. Claim it was your favorite article of clothing ever—make up a backstory about a dying relative giving it to you on their deathbed if you have to—and go find the nearest washing machine.
14. Have a Little Too Much Fun
A lot of people drink on dates. In most parts of the world, that’s perfectly fine and acceptable. You have a couple drinks and see where the night (or afternoon—we don’t judge!) goes.
When it comes to first dates, though, you probably shouldn’t get too drunk. For most people, that’s a turn-off. You can always fake it, though, especially if you’re at your local watering hole and know the bartender well. Just ask him or her to water down your drinks. Pretending to be drunk isn’t hard.
You could also just get drunk; however, if you do that, please do not drive yourself home. Call a car or get in a taxi.
Be warned that this strategy is a bit risky, as it is totally possible your date might have a car and insist on driving you home.
If that turns out to be the case, you might want to pretend to vomit in the restroom. Few things turn a person off more than vomit mouth.
15. The Last Resort: Be Honest
Honesty probably shouldn’t be the last resort when it comes to getting out of a bad date, but it frequently is—for understandable reasons. When you tell a person that you’re not that into them, feelings tend to get hurt.
We humans are thin-skinned creatures, after all, and it is always uncomfortable to tell another person that you find them unattractive and boring. Sure, if you’re a nice person you try sugarcoat it, but they know what you’re really saying.
Sometimes, you’re simply not in the mood to fake an illness or injury, and lying can be emotionally exhausting, so you really have no choice but to be honest.
The best way of being honest is to just tell the person that you don’t think you’re compatible as a pair and come up with something nice to say about them.
Wish them a happy life, pay your share of the bill, and leave.
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