There are a lot of situations out there that do not need to be explained. For example, if you see a woman crying at the convenience store at two in the afternoon, you can safely assume she is upset about something and doesn’t care about what people think. Admittedly, you don’t know what she’s actually upset about or why she doesn’t care what people think, but you have most of the story.
That actually happened to me just the other day. I was trying to buy a sandwich and a cup of coffee. The woman in front of me was sobbing as she paid for her salad and bag of chips. It was super awkward. She looked nice enough, but I doubt she wanted to be comforted by a stranger in a convenience store. That would have been a strange experience.
About a year ago, I was in that very convenience store and some guy who was about twenty-five years older than me approached me and acted like he knew me; he expected me to remember who he was. I had no clue.
With the exception of my parents and roughly three friends, I just don’t have the ability to recognize people unless they are in the place where I expect them to be. I have had long, deep conversations with people at the local tavern and consider them friends; however, if I saw them at the shopping mall, I would have no idea who they were. It isn’t personal. I just kind of associate people with places. I love the people. I love the places. When those people aren’t in those places, though, I get confused.
Anyway, in the case of the random dude in the convenience store, I never did figure out who he was. It actually really bugged me. I was not having the best day; a friend has just perished, and I was in no mood to be messed with. I told the guy I couldn’t remember, and he insisted that I could if I “really thought about it”. He might have been a ghost, I suppose, but you don’t expect to encounter ghosts in the middle of the day while buying cheap coffee and overpriced baked goods.
I have gone on too long. Here are ten situations that don’t really need to be explained. Actually, some of them definitely do need to be explained. Regardless, they are amusing.
1. The Package and the Feminine Care Product
This is actually one of the ones that needs to be explained, and I wish I had the explanation. I don’t really understand how they can be gently used. You can buy a lot of things and feel safe if they were gently used, but these? That’s sort of risky. I feel like this whole thing is kind of like buying gently used toilet paper.
In general, though, Goodwill is a pretty great organization. You can get a proper suit for $20, and it might be the last business on Earth that sells VHS tapes. I was in one earlier this year, and they were selling “Batman Returns” for a dollar. That was a good movie. One of the stars was Danny DeVito, who you might know from “Taxi”. He is also married to Rhea Pealman, who played Carla on the sitcom “Cheers”.
2. The Arrow in the Shoulder
This is one of the reasons I don’t have children and don’t want any. You should probably expect your children to resent you. That’s just how things go in modern society. You probably shouldn’t expect your kid to hit you in the chest with an arrow.
I am pretty sure the kid didn’t mean it. The father looks to be in a pretty good mood, which I would not be if I had an arrow in my shoulder.
I never learned to use a bow and arrow, which is disappointing. I had a friend who was really into archery, but he never took the time to teach me. I did enjoy using bows and arrows in the “Zelda” games, though, so that’s vaguely similar.
3. The Woman Renting Something
This one probably needs to be explained, too, but won’t be. It appears as if the one woman is in a wedding dress while renting a movie or video game. The shoe situation is also curious.
I can see renting a movie after your wedding. I can definitely see renting a video game! What bonds a couple more than working together to solve a quest?
Who wants to have “marital relations” on their wedding night—especially if you had a fancy wedding? You just danced a lot and ate a ton of food. You had to talk to your family, which is rarely fun. There’s a good chance you had a little more to drink than you should have. It was all very stressful, I’m sure. That seems like a great reason to blow off a bit of steam play XBOX games. You can consummate in the morning when you’re both a little fresher.
4. The Prom Photo
I am guessing that this young person was intentionally trying to take the most awkward prom photo ever, and he may have succeeded. I don’t think it could get any weirder.
He definitely looks proud of himself, and he’s pulling off that tux, so good for him.
I hated the one prom I decided to attend; it was just so boring. I had to wear fancy clothes, which I despise, and I had to talk to people, which isn’t my favorite thing in the world. I also had to tell people they looked nice, and they didn’t. It was a long time ago, but I remember just sitting around waiting for the whole awful experience to be over. The food was crappy.
That experience cost my parents over $150. They could have bought me a lot of cool stuff instead.
5. The Guy and the Fake Horse
I really have no idea what’s going on here. It can’t be explained. If there is an explanation, it is probably a sad one. There may be dementia involved, and that is not a fun topic to discuss.
I always thought it’d be fun to own a horse. That may be because I have played a lot of video games in which you could own or purchase a horse. I have been playing that new “Red Dead” cowboy game recently, and you can buy and train horses there. They are a lot of work, though, those fake horses; you have to brush the darn things! That makes me think that actually owning a horse would be a major pain. The one time I rode a horse in real life, I fell off of it, so maybe that sport isn’t for me.
6. The Tiger
I am sure that the tiger is distressed by this particular situation. I suppose that—if I were a tiger—I would be similarly distressed.
I like tigers. I know that the average tiger would eat my face off if I encountered him or her in the wild, but they just look so cool! I also loved the comic strip “Calvin and Hobbes” when I was a kid. It was all about a kid who had a stuffed tiger who he thought was real; for all I know, the stuffed tiger actually was. That was one of the big mysteries of the strip. What defines reality, really?
They are remaking and rebooting everything these days, so why doesn’t the creator of “Calvin and Hobbes” release another book of comics? Well, I suppose one could argue he has artistic integrity, but I’d really like to enjoy new strips!
The creator of “Calvin and Hobbes”, by the way, grew up in Chagrin Falls, which is in Ohio. I have actually been there. It isn’t a place you’re going to write home about, honestly. However, a lot of famous people came from there, so there must be something to it. For example, the guy that plays Kevin on “Riverdale” is from Chagrin Falls.
7. The Officer and the Person
I honestly have no idea what this is about. I can’t even try to explain it. I don’t think there is any sort of explanation.
Instead of trying to explain, I’ll share weirdness from my own life. Once, in the city of Philadelphia, there was a man just trying to hand out cake. I have no idea why. He was just handing out cake.
I refused to accept the cake. I am sort of afraid of germs; I am also afraid of random people who hand out food on the street.
My friend, however, did accept the cake—he was hungry. Fortunately, he survived the experience. Sadly for him, however, he spent about eighteen hours on a toilet. He insisted he would never again accept food from a stranger. He did, though, about two weeks later.
8. The Toilet in the Middle of Nowhere
I don’t really know how to explain this one, so I won’t.
I will say that I wish there were more public toilets out there. So many businesses are just funny about toilets being for customers only. I kind of get it—toilets are obnoxious to clean, and human waste does tend to smell pretty terrible.
However, emergencies happen. If you have ever eaten rice from a questionable restaurant, you know what I’m talking about. The point is that we are all human; we need to be more compassionate towards one another. If you own a business and you have a toilet, you need to make that toilet available to those in need. You know that the person to whom you made the toilet available will praise your business on social media! I know I would. I have had a friend stop by my house on the way home just because he needed a place to do his business. I respect that. There would be no reason to react poorly to what is a simple request.
9. The One With the Cake
I guess people just celebrate weird things now. When I was growing up, people celebrated about five things. If it was your birthday, you got a cake. I’m not sure why getting older is celebrated after the age of about five, but that’s just me. If you got married, people celebrated. I’ll never understand why people spend $20,000 or more on a party, but that’s just me. The list goes on. Even back then, people were looking for an excuse to throw a party. Every little event was worth noting.
Surviving a wound, though, is a reason for a cake. Now that is something impressive and worth recognizing. That is a big deal. That doesn’t happen every day.
I once went to a kindergarten graduation. The grandparent of said child made it a big deal, but it wasn’t. I had to buy a gift. The kid managed to master the fine art of coloring and not peeing herself, which is not very impressive. I want the $20 I spent on the gift back. I also want the two hours of my life back.
10. The Picture About Richard Gere
I don’t know who is claiming Richard Gere is a bad actor; I completely disagree. I know nothing about his personal life or political views, but I do know he has made several fine movies.
I really liked, for example, “Pretty Woman”, which came out in 1990. In addition to Julia Roberts, the movie featured Hector Elizondo, who is over the age of 80 but still acting on a sitcom, and he is doing a great job. He is sort of like the male Betty White in that regard. You might know him from the show “Chicago Hope”, which I thought was a lot better than “ER”. It is a controversial opinion, I know, but I’ll stand by it.