13 Products That Probably Should Not Exist

There are definitely a lot of products out there that probably should not exist. If those products actually serve a purpose at all, they are only useful or desirable to a very small percentage of the population. You really have to wonder what the companies that made the products were thinking at the time.

Here are thirteen truly great examples of products that absolutely did not need to exist. There are probably thousands of examples, but these are the thirteen that we want to bring to your attention.

1. The Mountain Dew Body Wash and the Dorito Face Wash

This image shows two products that simply should not exist. Hopefully, they do not actually exist and this is just a fun picture that someone made as a pretty hilarious joke.

Oddly enough, however, I could see a lot of college kids buying both of these products. College kids do love Mountain Dew and Doritos, after all. Really, who doesn’t? It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you smelled like Mountain Dew.

Mountain Dew, which is owned by PepsiCo, has actually been around a lot longer than most people think. The delicious and popular beverage was first invented in 1940, and there was only one variety of the beverage until the late 1980s. PepsiCo acquired the brand in the 1960s.

Doritos, which are also delicious, have existed since 1964. They are produced by Frito-Lay, which is also owned by PepsiCo. Apparently PepsiCo is well on its way to actually ruling the world.

2. The Ghost Turds

I suppose there are seven or so people in the world who would spend a couple of bucks on “ghost turds” during the Halloween season.

The packaging is hilarious. If they are new and improved “ghost turds”, what did the old ones look like? Also, would anyone expect ghost turds to smell or be toxic? Were the old ones toxic?

This is definitely one of those products that doesn’t need to exist. The market for such a product must be extremely small. A lot of people spend a lot of money when Halloween rolls around, true, but do they spend their money on products like this?

3. The Soda Container

This is one of the more confusing products on this list. Why would you need to put soda (or pop, if you’d prefer)—which typically comes in a container—into another container? That seems completely and totally unnecessary. Everybody loves a nice, cold soda, but this is an unnecessary product. I doubt it sold well.

4. The Unholy Child of Sandals and Cowboy Boots

Cowboy boots, when worn for appropriate reasons, are great. Sandals, if not worn with socks, are great. The product in this image is not great. This footwear is completely and totally unnecessary.
Cowboy boots are basically just riding boots; they are designed to make mounting and dismounting a horse easier. This weird boot-sandal hybrid would not make mounting a horse easier; in fact, this product would probably make the whole process a lot more difficult. Therefore, it is a useless product; furthermore, it is an incredibly ugly product.

Could you imagine meeting someone wearing the boot-sandal hybrid? How would you be able to take that person seriously? It is kind of hard to take anyone wearing cowboy boots in an urban setting seriously. If you don’t have plans to ride a horse, you shouldn’t be wearing cowboy boots.

5. Diet Water

This product is extremely confusing because regular water has no calories; in fact, those trying to lose weight are often encouraged to drink more water, as water can be quite filling. Any fresh water will do, though, when it comes to weight loss. It does not need to be “diet water”. What does that even mean? This is a totally unnecessary product.

Despite the fact water does not provide any calories or nutrients, access to fresh water is absolutely critical to humans. It is critical to all known forms of life, actually. Sadly, roughly one billion people lack access to fresh, clean water.

Water is important to several faiths—including Judaism, Christianity, Taoism, Shinto, Islam, and Hinduism—as it is considered a purifying substance.

6. The Tiny Chairs

Deckchairs are great. They are excellent places to sit and enjoy a cool beverage while having a conversation with friends.

What are tiny deck chairs used for, though? I suppose they serve some purpose. For example, if you’re building a tiny version of your house, you might need tiny deck chairs. Most people do not need them, though, so you have to wonder why anyone decided to manufacture them in the first place.

How do you accidentally end up buying those tiny little things? Wouldn’t you think the seller would make it crystal clear that you were buying miniature chairs?

7. The Burger in the Vending Machine

The problem with this product is not the concept, per se, but the simple fact that it probably tastes absolutely disgusting. A person would have to be pretty desperate to eat one of these things. It even looks gross.

There are burger joints everywhere, which sort of renders this product completely and totally pointless. There are about 37,000 McDonald’s out there, so there is bound to be one near you; while they do not make the best burgers in the world, their basic hamburger is far better than anything you could get out of a vending machine. It has to be, right?

It would be funny, really, if the burger from the vending machine was actually one of the best burgers a person could buy. Stranger things have definitely happened.

8. This Candle

Yankee Candle is a great company that produces a number of products that smell great. Even the best companies put out terrible products once in a while, though; a candle that smells like “schnitzel with noodles” is a horrible idea, and whoever came up with that idea deserves to be fired from his or her job.

Schnitzel can be delicious—don’t get me wrong. The dish originated in Austria and is popular in many countries throughout the world, including Brazil, Peru, Venezuela, Bulgaria, Denmark, France, Hungary, Israel, Korea, Poland, Romania, Serbia, South Africa, Sweden, Turkey, and the United States. If it weren’t delicious, it wouldn’t be as popular as it is.

However, you rarely want your living room or bedroom to smell like meat. That is just not an odor that most people desire, so this product is pretty ridiculous.

Yankee Candle, which is headquartered in Massachusetts, really does make a lot of great products though, and that is the reason the company has been around for almost 50 years. You don’t last for half a century and generate hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue every year unless you are doing something right.

9. The Thing That Pets Your Pets

This must be the stupidest product ever conceived by a human brain. Why would you never want to touch your pet again? Don’t we, as humans, adopt animals because we enjoy the feel of their fur on our hands? Most people want to spend more time petting their dog, not less. Science has also proven that petting an animal is literally good for you; for example, it can reduce your blood pressure, and it also releases a hormone that helps you relax. There is an entire industry that exists so that people can pet furry animals. They are called petting zoos, and they are great. Interacting with a sheep or a pony can certainly make one’s day.

So why would anyone who owns a pet buy a product like the one in this image? That is a question that really can’t be answered. The only reason I can think of is that a pet owner spontaneously developed allergies, but also did not want to give away his or her pet. Many animals crave the touch of a human, after all. Of course, even the stupidest dog on the planet wouldn’t be fooled by this device.

It is also really weird that the product being rechargeable “for hotel use” is considered a selling point by the manufacturer of this product. Granted, people do take their pets with them when traveling, but do most people do so often enough that the feature should be so heavily promoted?

Honestly, this device kind of seems like a form of animal abuse. If you don’t have the time or desire to actually pet your pet, find him or her a new home.

10. The Thing That Holds the Fish

Pet fish are great and all, but there is absolutely no reason to bring them in public. There is no reason for any company to make a product that facilitates bringing your pet fish with you everywhere you go. If you want to bring a pet with you on your daily walk, just adopt a dog.

Keeping fish really is a very cool hobby, and it has been done for literally thousands of years. Even the ancient Sumerians kept fish in ponds, as did the ancient Egyptians and the Romans. Carp pools were very popular amongst the wealthy in medieval times.

These days, fishkeeping is a multi-billion dollar industry. The largest market is the United States.

11. This Fanny Pack

Fanny packs are actually pretty useful products. While they are primarily used by tourists, the idea behind them is a good one. When a person is out and about, he or she needs a place to store her stuff.

The problem with this particular fanny pack is merely the design. It looks like a particularly hairy gut of an overweight middle-aged guy. Why anyone would purchase a product that makes them look incredibly gross is beyond me. I get that it is a joke about beer guts, but it is still kind of nasty.

That said, if it does a good job of keeping one’s beer cold, the product definitely has its value. It is also surprisingly realistic looking.

It looks like the guy in the image is about to enjoy a nice cold “Red Stripe”, which is a delicious pale lager. It is brewed in Jamaica and is available in both the United States and the United Kingdom. It was first produced back in the 1930s, but it wasn’t imported by the United States until the 1980s.
Red Stripe is currently a sponsor of the Jamaican bobsled team.

12. Squeezable Bacon

If you eat meat and your religion doesn’t prohibit you from eating pork products, you probably love bacon. It is one of the best foods in the world. It definitely isn’t the healthiest food in the world, true, but it is delicious.

However, this product does not look at all delicious. The stuff being squeezed out of that container does not even look like bacon. Really, the whole thing looks truly vile. This is a product that did not need to be invented.

13. The Shoes With the Toenails

A lot of people do not understand the “shoe fashion” industry, and I am one of those people. If you have more than two or three pairs of shoes, you own too many shoes.

While there are people out there who find feet attractive, most people find them sort of disgusting. They serve their purpose, sure, but they’re not the most charming part of the human body. They also tend to smell. Shoes are designed to cover feet, and most shoes do that job quite well.

Therefore, it is not clear why anyone would actually want to purchase a shoe that looks like a foot. You really have to wonder what the company making this shoe is thinking. Who are they targeting, exactly? People with a foot fetish? I know there are people out there who really like feet, but are there that many of them?
They don’t even look particularly comfortable—as far as shoes go. What was going through the mind of the designer?