Mysteries, at least in terms of fiction, can be great. They’re the best thing ever when you’re watching your favorite television show. A lot of shows revolve around mysteries.
A great example of a show that revolved around mysteries was “Veronica Mars”, which aired from 2004 to 2007. There was also a movie a few years back—and books. It was all about this young woman who was the daughter of a guy who solved mysteries for a living. She ended up doing so, as well. In the first season, she was trying to figure out who killed her best friend. Later, she tried to figure out why a bus crashed. It was great stuff. It starred Kristen Bell, who you probably know from the show “The Good Place” and many movies.
According to my research, there will be a new season of “Veronica Mars”, which makes me very happy. A lot of people knew about the revival before I learned about it, apparently, but I am very excited.
Mysteries in real life aren’t nearly as fun as the mysteries you see on television or read about in books, though. Personally, I don’t like wondering why things are the way that they are.
Here are nine examples of situations that were kind of a mystery.
1. The Hot Dog
This makes no sense. What is this person doing? Does the person want to dip the hot dog for some bizarre reason?
I live in the United States and might as well be 94 years old, so I like to watch baseball once in a while. When I have the opportunity, I’ll go to a ball game. When you watch baseball, you absolutely need to eat a hot dog. Even if you are a vegan, you need to eat a hot dog when you go to the ballpark. They’re not the healthiest food in the world, true, but they sure are delicious.
I have this uncle who lives across from a restaurant that specializes in hot dogs. He lives about two hours away from where I do. He knows I love hot dogs. Every time I visit the guy, I ask him to take me to the restaurant. It isn’t anything fancy, but the beer is cheap and the hot dogs are fantastic. He never takes me, though. He did once—but has refused to since then. He lives right across the street! I have no idea what he’s thinking.
Instead, he insists on going to chain restaurants. He’s a bit of a germaphobe, which I understand. I think it runs in the family. I don’t like to hug or shake hands. I prefer a wave from across the room. Anyway, he thinks chain restaurants are cleaner than family-run restaurants. I have known people who work at chains, and he is wrong. However, since he is a couple of decades older than me, he simply can’t admit that he is wrong and I am right.
Also, the hot dog restaurant has been around for decades. If it were really dirty, it would have already been shut down by the health department.
The one thing I don’t like about that restaurant—and it really is the only thing—is that there is no place to do one’s business. They sell cheap light beer. People do need to pee once in a while. If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that light beer makes you need to pee.
2. The Printer
Happily, I haven’t worked in an office for several years. I have had to go into an office once in a while, but I like working from home. For one, I get to avoid disasters like this one.
That would have ruined a pair of shoes and a pair of pants. How did this happen?
The last time I worked in an office, I had to type in a code to copy things and to print. I don’t understand the logic there. I can sort of understand monitoring internet usage, but why printing and copying? Are there people out there who genuinely enjoy making copies? I wouldn’t be surprised, frankly, if there are.
3. The Guys Who All Look Similar
I also wonder how this happened. I wonder why this happened! Also, I want to know why one guy is wearing a t-shirt to a sporting event when another is wearing a sweater.
There is a character on “Arrested Development” who has the complete inability to tell one face from another. It was kind of funny, although he was introduced in season four—which wasn’t very good.
I think I suffer from the condition. All of these guys look pretty much identical to me—with the exception of their hair color. If I ran into my parents in a store, I’d probably recognize them, but I’ve known them for decades now. Otherwise, I really can’t tell the difference between most people unless they have an unusual characteristic. Most of my friends, in fact, do have something unusual about their appearance. For example, I have a friend that is very tall. I have a friend with very long, very red hair. I have another friend who is just ugly.
I was out and about a couple of months ago at a bar my friend manages. I was supposed to recognize a woman who I haven’t seen in probably ten years or so. She looked horrified that I didn’t recognize her. She literally looked offended, and I don’t know why. She was never a big part of my life, and she wasn’t exactly aging well.
4. The Woman Who Made the Poor Decision
If you don’t know who the person in your bed is, you might want to take a little time out and evaluate your choices. I understand that people get drunk and do dumb things, of course, but this is still sort of disturbing.
To a certain extent, I do not understand one-night stands. Again, though, I am a bit of a germaphobe. I really don’t like shaking hands.
High fives are different, though. With the high five, your hand is only touching another hand for less than a second. With a shake, your hands are touching for at least a couple of seconds. If they have germs, you’re getting those germs. They will be on your hands until you wash them at least once.
Intimate relations involve a lot more bacteria than handshakes do. Why take the risk if there’s a good chance you’re not going to remember your questionable decision the next day?
I think that one of the reasons I don’t have a sexually transmitted disease is that I am afraid of contracting one. Believe it or not, I have only been asked about my “history” by a doctor once—which might say a lot about how attractive I am. Doctors just look at me and assume no woman will touch me, which is actually kind of accurate.
I was only asked because I developed MRSA, which you might get if you’re ever in the hospital and the place is run by morons.
I just can’t even imagine a conversation with a person who I didn’t know who was also in my bed. What do you say? Do you ask them what they want for breakfast or how they take their coffee? Do you ask for advice regarding your “performance”?
5. The Diploma
Why is this in a mailbox?
I didn’t realize diplomas were sent in the mail. Don’t you usually get them on the day you graduate from high school or university? I honestly don’t remember. My mom made me go to both graduations, and I was bored as Hell both times. I think I fell asleep during one of them. I couldn’t have cared less if I tried.
I remember my college graduation a little bit better than I remember my high school one. I remember some dumb poet read some stupid crap about wishes or dreams or some sort of nonsense. I think I went out to dinner.
My high school graduation, from what I recall, was even stupider. One of my classmates wrote a speech about wishes or dreams or some sort of nonsense, and then I went out for fast food. I also remember that, even at the age of seventeen, I found the whole affair exhausting and pointless.
Why do people even celebrate high school graduations? In the United States, you pretty much have to go high school. Your parents can be arrested if they don’t force you to go. There are truancy laws.
What’s funny is that I don’t actually think I learned anything in high school. I was forced to write a lot, which served me well, but I can’t recall a specific fact. I had to learn all of these various dates for my history classes. I don’t recall a single one. I also don’t need to—Google exists now.
I also remember there were “graduation fees”. That really ticked me off. I pay thousands of dollars to get to the point I get to graduate from your crappy school and you charge me to participate in a ceremony I’d rather die than attend.
6. The Girl and the Selfie
People need to cut it out with the selfies. Nobody really cares what you look like, even if you are looking your best. Unless you’re literally one of the more attractive people on the planet, people are probably bored by the pictures you take of yourself.
Also, you are probably not as attractive or as interesting as you think you are. Very few people are actually interesting or attractive. Once in a while, people can be both, but it doesn’t happen a lot.
7. The T-Shirt
I don’t think I need to make a comment regarding why this particular t-shirt is inappropriate for a child to wear. I like dirty jokes as much as the next guy, but I don’t think it is appropriate for anyone to wear.
What kind of band teacher comes up with this? Don’t you have to be sort of clued in to how the world is going in order to be a teacher? I have known several teachers over the years, and they’re all fairly “hip” people.
If I were a parent and saw this, I would be freaked out.
8. The Candy Bar
Do people steal candy a lot? As a shop owner, is it really worth going to extremes to prevent people from stealing candy bars? I might be. I have no idea, as I’ve never owned or even managed a store that sells candy bars.
I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people steal Snickers. I am not a fan myself, as I can’t stand the taste of peanuts, but I know a lot of people who love them. They are not exactly good for you, but I can see why they make a delicious snack—if you like peanuts.