Proposing marriage, or being proposed to, must be a wonderful experience. It must be nice to know that someone is willing to spend the rest of his or her life with you. That must make you feel pretty good about yourself.
I have never proposed marriage, and I doubt I ever will. That’s partially because I am incredibly neurotic. I just couldn’t respect anyone willing to marry me. I don’t even know how I would propose. I am guessing I’d go the traditional route and go to a nice restaurant. That’s the safe way to do it.
Other people tend to take marriage proposals to an extreme, and those don’t always go so well.
Sometimes it is best to just keep things sort of simple.
Here are ten examples of proposals that were kind of awful, but also kind of inspired.
1. The Text
What bothers me most, honestly, is the obvious grammar error in the response to the question.
Do people propose via text messages now? That seems sort of unromantic, but it is also very practical. A lot of people spend a small fortune just proposing—a really good dinner at a nice restaurant can cost a few hundred bucks.
Why are there so many emojis? That seems a bit unnecessary. I’m not really a big fan of emojis, though. I don’t see the point of them.
Also, who has a contact in their phone named “BabyBoy”? That’s pretty weird.
2. The Bed
I will give this person points for effort. There was a lot of time spent on this one. It is a lot better than a text.
Still, whoever is doing the proposing should have spent a little more time paying attention in English class back in grade school. If someone proposed to me and made such an obvious mistake, I would probably turn them down—which might explain why I am single.
3. The Fake Cheating
I don’t even know what to say about this one. Why would anyone do this? Why would you want your partner, to whom you are about to propose, to think you’re a cheater? That just makes absolutely no sense to me. I am guessing the proposal was accepted, so that’s nice, but this is still quite weird.
One of the reasons I don’t want to get married is that I just know I’ll get cheated on—statistically, it is pretty likely. I also have terrible luck, so of course my wife will be unfaithful.
The only good thing about cheating is that it keeps private investigators employed. Otherwise, it is a terrible thing. Actually, according to a couple of articles I read, the vast majority of PI work revolves around cheating spouses.
I don’t know how accurate these statistics are, honestly, but according to a couple of websites roughly 20 percent of men have cheated on their wives. Over 10 percent of women have cheated on their spouses. Men who cheat on their wives tend to cheat with five or more people, which is pretty horrifying for the wives. A lot of men meet the person with whom they cheat via social media and online dating, which isn’t a surprise.
When I think of cheating, I often think of the character “Frasier”. When he was on “Cheers”, his wife cheated on him, and it was a pretty sad episode. He contemplated suicide, which is strange because it was a sitcom, but they managed to make the whole thing funny; writers back then were pretty talented.
4. The Cake
This is a terrible cake. First of all, it is sort of lame to use a cake to propose marriage. Second of all, even if that just happened to be acceptable in our current society, the cake is just awful.
Why is there a little person riding a carrot? That’s a weird-looking little person. Is that supposed to be an angel? Why would an angel be riding a carrot? That seems like a weird thing for an angel to do with its time. Shouldn’t angels be playing the harp and proclaiming the glory of deities?
Obviously, the text is ridiculous. That doesn’t need to be pointed out, certainly.
5. The Mild Sauce
I don’t really understand the mild sauce. The ring looks nice enough, but why the sauce? Was the couple’s first date at “Taco Bell”? I suppose I could see that. There are better places to go on a first date, but there are also worse places.
I haven’t eaten at a Taco Bell in years. I don’t know why, either; I have a very good friend who loves Taco Bell. He is always trying to get me to go there when we are hanging out, but I just refuse to go. Considering the fact millions of people eat there every year, the food must be pretty good. There are roughly 7,000 Taco Bell restaurant, too, and you can eat at one pretty much everywhere in the world. For a while there, for example, there was one in Dubai. It is definitely a pretty popular brand. You can eat Taco Bell food in the Netherlands.
The person who founded Taco Bell was named Glen Bell. He died in 2010, but his story is quite interesting. At first, he operated a stand that sold hot dogs. He also served in World War II.
6. The Card
I really like the sentiment. The idea of “winning” a spouse forever is a sort of lovely one, and it is clear that someone put a lot of effort into this proposal.
Whoever made this is clearly a fan of roleplaying games, and I am guessing the person being proposed to is also a fan. I like roleplaying games a lot. When I was a kid, my parents bought me
“Dragon Warrior”, which you may know as “Dragon Quest”.
It was insanely hard. I spent weeks trying to earn enough gold to buy armor that would eventually become pointless—there was better armor. Trying to eliminate the main villain also took up weeks of my life. It took a couple of days of trying just to get rid of the green dragon that was keeping the princess prisoner. Those old games were pretty brutal, frankly.
The sequel wasn’t much easier. There were multiple characters, which actually made things a little more difficult. The cost of reviving your dead companions was insane.
I sort of liked how hard old video games were, though. You just knew that a game would keep you entertained for months. You can finish a current video game in a few days if you are really devoted to doing so.
One of the hardest video games ever was “Battletoads”. It was fun, true, but I have never met a single person who managed to finish it. I am not sure it is technically possible to finish it unless you use a cheat. They knew how to make difficult video games when I was a kid.
What’s sad about this particular proposal, I think, is that you can’t really “win” a spouse forever. I have participated, in one way or another, in marriages that just did not work out. It is sort of depressing. People treat marriage as a thing that can just be tossed aside when the relationship becomes sort of inconvenient. There are definitely good reasons to get divorced, but people separate over really silly reasons.
7. The Ring and the Burger
When it comes to proposing, not many men consider using a burger. It worked out, apparently, but it was still a pretty bold choice. That’s a nice looking burger, though.
It always astounds me just how much a good burger can cost at a nice restaurant. I went out to eat a few weeks back at a nice place—my parents were paying. I couldn’t believe the restaurant was charging over fifteen dollars for a burger. I couldn’t figure out why, so I just had to ask. The waitress had no idea. The beef wasn’t particularly good, apparently, and the toppings were pretty mediocre. There was bacon, which is always great, but bacon isn’t very expensive. Red onion also doesn’t cost very much. There wasn’t any sort of sauce that one would consider “special”. It was a barbeque sauce, apparently, but the waitress said it came out of a bottle.
In case you are curious, I didn’t end up getting the burger. I had a salad, instead. That was also ridiculously overpriced. The dressing was nice enough, I suppose, but the chicken on the salad was a bit undercooked.
I really shouldn’t order salads at most restaurants. I am almost always disappointed. There is a restaurant not too far from me that has a great salad bar, and you can eat as much as you want, so that’s a great deal. You really can’t be disappointed if you enjoy chicken, egg, and bacon on your salad.
8. The Baby
Using a baby to propose is a cute way of doing it. Writing on a diaper is sort of weird, sure, but it is nice to think that the parents might be together forever. The ring is also in a weird spot.
That’s a pretty tiny baby; it couldn’t be more than a month or two old.
I can’t imagine having a baby and not being married. You definitely need a partner when it comes to raising a kid. I can’t even babysit my neighbor’s kid without wanting another adult around to alleviate a bit of the stress.
Why do children have to be so noisy and so active? I wish they would just happily sit down and watch television with you. There are a lot of great shows that kids might really like if they just gave them the chance.
Personally, when it comes to TV, I like “The Cool Kids”. It is all about people in a retirement community. The writing could be better, but the cast is great. If you have the opportunity, you should check it out.
One of the stars of “The Cool Kids” starred on “Mama’s Family”, which was pretty popular back in the 1980s. It wasn’t the most brilliant of television programs; in fact, it was sort of ludicrous. Still, it did a pretty good job of making you laugh.
9. The Tattoo
I suppose getting a tattoo in order to propose shows a certain level of commitment to the institution that is marriage. It also demonstrates a certain level of insanity that is sort of creepy. It makes texting a proposal look sort of sane.
It isn’t a bad tattoo, honestly. It probably cost a few hundred bucks. I hope the ring is quite nice, too.