Тhe following is the sad, true story about a big black bear and its all too quick and unfortunately fatal battle with drug addiction. In this case, it happened to be cocaine, that brought the mighty beast down, but it could have been KFC chicken wings, if you ask me (and there are more than enough reasons to ban those).
I’m going to lay down the cold facts, predating and surrounding that bear’s untimely death, but the bulk of this tale take place after and as bitter a death of that animal is, its afterlife is a whole different animal altogether. I’m not going to spoil it, but sufficed to say – I think you should read the whole thing.
Enough with the intro, let’s get to the story:
It all started with a Kentucky old timer by the name of Fred Myers. On the fine morning of the 11th of September, 1985, Mr. Myers woke really early (as he would), made himself some coffee and walked out the door of his house for some fresh Kentucky air and to get his newspaper, thus completing his morning routine. What he found on his driveway, though, was more news, as he would ever want – there was a dead body of a man lying there. What was particularly interesting about the dead fellow, was that he spent his last moments, sporting truly interesting clothes – a bulletproof vest was complimented by goggles (of the night vision kind), original Gucci loafers on his feet and a big satchel around his shoulders. Oh, and a parachute. You could say, that Fred was more than a little surprised by this whole thing, so he did what many of us white people do in situations like that (no, he didn’t Instagram it, it was 1885, remember?) – he called the Police.
Upon arriving, the authorities secured the perimeter and searched the body and found that the mystery man was in possession of two pistols, knives, ropes, some food and money, at the amount of $4,500. But what really turned the cops’ hats was the fact that in the satchel, the dead man was carrying cocaine worth $15 million. So that begs the question: who was he?
The police later identified the body as Andrew Thornton II. Whenever you get “the Second” after a person’s name and especially a man’s name, you can bet your bottom dollar, the guy wasn’t just a regular fellow and this case proves it. Andrew was born into money, but unlike some other people I can mention, he was a rebel of sorts – instead of polo and golf, he went in the army – the 101st Airborne Division, paratrooping. Then he became a cop (Narcotics Division), then – a lawyer, and finally (and quite ironically) – a paratrooping drug smuggler for a powerful underground ring, known in Kentucky as “The Company”. His death, though, had nothing to do with the underground, or drugs, or anything like that – he just didn’t open his parachute in time, thus dying upon impact with the ground.