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Man Stole A Boat After Eating A Lot Of MDMA, Because “The Swans Don’t Judge Me”

Image Source: WFTV.COM
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Swans don’t judge people, at least that’s what 36-year-old Keith Thurston believed when he made the questionable decision to swallow MDMA pills and the steal a swan-shaped paddle boat. Lake Eola, where this all went down, is located in downtown Orlando, Florida. The lake, which is technically a sinkhole, is well known for its fountain, which changes colors at night as if it were a light show.

The swan boats are a popular recreational activity for area residents and visitors to the city.

According to police, Thurston paddled his way to the fountain in the middle of the lake and ended up stranded on the island after the boat drifted away. Thurston, likely because he consumed that “large quantity” of MDMA, had neglected to tie the boat up.

Image Source: WFTV.COM

Eventually, when he realized his predicament, Thurston ended up screaming for help. He was found and rescued at about 4 a.m. He was then taken to a hospital.

MDMA is not known for improving one’s decision-making processes, and stealing a swan-shaped boat is almost always a bad decision—although I think we can all agree it would be totally great if a really creative screen writer could figure out a way to work a swan boat chase into an action film—but you kind of have to hand to Thurston for being safety minded. When he was rescued by authorities, he was wearing a life preserver, which he had found in the boat.

It is unknown at this time what happened to the swan boat, but wherever it is and whatever it is doing, we can be sure it isn’t judging Thurston. The law is judging Thurston, however. Charges against the man are reportedly pending.

Image Source: WFTV.COM

White swans are known to frequent Lake Eola. While they’re not known to be judgmental, they can get rather aggressive. Back in May, a woman captured a video of a city police officer being chased by one of the large birds. The video went viral, and even the police officer who was filmed had to admit the scene was pretty amusing.

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All joking aside, swans are known to be aggressive and can be dangerous to humans. They’ve been known to capsize boats, resulting in death. Males of the species can get particularly aggressive, especially when they are protecting their nests. They’re best looked at, not interacted with.

Even though they’re aggressive creatures, people in Florida really seem to like swans. Several months back, a $25,000 statue of a swan was stolen in Lakeland, Florida. The thief, who was driving a stolen pickup truck, was naked when he stole the black and white statue from a storage center.

Thurston’s story is kind of funny, but MDMA really is not a laughing matter. Also known as Molly or ecstasy, MDMA in an illegal psychedelic drug that can be addictive. It can lead to memory problems, a rapid heartbeat, nausea, vomiting, paranoia, anxiety, teeth grinding, and difficultly sleeping. Long-term use may result in depression. It has been known to cause death as a result of dehydration and an increased body temperature.

Thurston’s story has a more-or-less happy ending—he might be charged with a crime—but it could have ended much, much worse.

H/T – Source

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Written by Kevin Barrett

Kevin Barrett is an award-winning reporter currently residing in one of the many suburbs of Philadelphia. In addition to working in journalism, he was worked in higher education and logistics. He is single, but does have a distracting little dog who keeps him from achieving maximum productivity.

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